math test tomorrow and this title has nothing to do with the content

first, and most important of all, i'm sending my deepest condolences to the family of Imma Nirmala, may she rests in peace. quite frankly, we've never been super close but it still saddens me to see you leave so soon. LDXV has just lost a great friend. :(

Ya Allah takut mati. masih banyak dosa.

---

okay so this is starting to be a habit, to blog only when i feel sad and low and desperate. but, well, when we happy we'd be in the mood to do everything, rite? on the contrary of being sad and just in the mood to snuggle in bed and sob to someone. in my case, it's not to someone but to a inanimate online diary.
soooo since my last post, the laptop is still nowhere to be found. whoever took that, i hope you burn in hell. just kidding. but i still feel really bad to my sister, and i'm thinking to saving money to buy a macbook pro for myself her but that probably took a gazillion years since i don't make money and my only income is from my mother which is only rp 150.000 a week. so the only way to get her a new laptop is, apart from stealing, is to beg to my parents. that will took a lot of efforts, like get good scores, study hard, being goody-goody, and basically do everything they want. if you read this, i'm really truly sorry lala :( wish i could make it up to you.
so anyway, back to the topic, i'm not in a really happy phase now. if you see me around, you'll see me all smiley, or you probably caught me eating most of the time, but well i just having a rough time now. yes i know i complain a lot, i'm so ungrateful, and there are people out there who has it worse, but you decide to read this anyway so shut up. first of all, i make a lot of mistakes. and i'm sorry for that. BUT THAT'S LIFE YOU KNOW. i'm fixing that, and trying to not to make one anymore but i'm just 16 after all. second of all, i hate to be told what to do, especially if you don't have authorities, you don't feed me, and my life is not hanging on you. third, i hate to be dishonored. whoever in the world likes that?
lastly, we're just teenagers. admit it, we know nothing about the L word (no, it doesn't stand for lesbian but for love) have fun! let loose! don't get too attached, let alone clingy. trust me, when you're older and smarter, you'll see how stupid yourself to cried head over heels over someone that now you barely care about. i know it's kinda stupid i'm saying this since i myself is in a relationship and i know at somepoint i'll eat my own words but geez, now i am seriously tired of getting attacheeeeddddd. not like i want to break up (well, kinda....) but at least let loose a little bit. stop disputing something over and over and over again. stop bringing back old problems. it's life, we make mistakes. this might sounds so over the top but it really starting to feel like living in an authoritarian country. and sorry to say this but i kinda lost my interest.
well by now you probably figure that the core of my despression is the relationship problem. but don't be astonished if by tomorrow i'm already back being a lovey dovey (which i surely hope wouldn't happen because that would mean i eat my own words). well, i'm only 16, and we're just labile, hormonal teenagers after all. phew.