perfect

perfect [adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]
entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

last wednesday, was supposed to be like every other wednesdays: meaningless, and gabut. cause there's no science subject on that day. our schedule goes like this: first period is history, then civil, then bta. i already planned to skip bta and went to canteen when bang hafiz walked in. he's famously known for his magic and hypnotize skill. this should be fun, i thought.
so it turned out exactly the way i thought: we completely abandoned physic and played hypnotize and magic tricks instead. the hypnotizing part didn't work out on me so i just had a little fun time watching him derived my classmates to sleep. then just seconds before the class is over, he started to do handwriting-reading, meaning, he would read our personalities based on our handwriting. since i so love reading people's characters, well, why don't i make him read my character, since i've got nothing to lose anyway.
after analyzing my neat, highlighted, colorized, civil note, he promptly described what kind of person i am:

- hard to make decision
- don't talk much, but once i talk, it could be really deep and hurtful
- see my mom as a very crucial part of my life
- like to compromise
- want to be independent
- good listener
- perfectionist

okay, so i thought. i already figure most of them, so it only means one thing: bang hafiz must be a real psychic.
then the rest of the day went like usual, recess, then religion, then fine art. i always love art, cause i wanted to be an architect and we usually taught how to draw a room or building based on neat perspective, but not this time. we were told to make illustration. of anything. no certain theme, no certain rules to follow. just let your imagination run wild and draw freely.
okay, i can do this, i thought. i love to draw, and this task is just a piece of cake.
but it's not like what i had expected. i spent the first period thinking deliberately of what i want and should draw, how to draw it, from what angle, which type of shading, and another tiny little aspects.
on the other hand, urwah, my chairmate, who also has an artistic blood running on him, nearly finished his illustration. i was like, what? how could he finished it so fast?

me: wah, kok lo cepet banget sih udah selese aja??? gue aja masih bingung mau diapain....
urwah: abisnya lo perfeksionis sih kez, liat aja itu pohon aja dibikin ribet banget, ya rempong lah gak selese selese.

perfectionist. already two people said that about me that day. am i really that perfectionist? then i came to realization: perfect, is, like, the foundation of my whole life and existence. the reason why i complain a lot, the reason why there's so much flaws in my life, the reason why i barely ever finished anything. because i never satisfied. because i like to follow structure and plans carefully. because i don't want to make any mistake. because i always seeking for perfection.
being a perfectionist is like a love/hate relationship. in someways, it makes you to be very careful thus prevent you from making mistakes and failures. but in other ways, it waste most of your life; like drawing a line perfectly to each milimeters long, like not dripping a single drops of watercolor on the moleskine paper, like using minutes just to arranging pillows so you have the right comfort spot to watch tv, like writing civil notes with stabilos and coloring markers and tipp-exing every single unintentional dots on your notes. a perfectionist made every little things that supposed to be easy, complicated. a perfectionist hardly ever finished anything once they thought it was a failure.

life is like a pentium 1 computer. it makes a hell lot of errors. but if it isn't, there will no such thing as pentium 2, 3, 4, and so on. the point is, mistakes improved us. we will never learn anything from perfection.
and like those quotes said, "nothing is perfect." so why waste our time searching for something that doesn't even exist?